Funerals are deeply emotional moments. There are times of grief, remembrance, comfort, and support. In many African communities, funerals also carry strong cultural expectations and traditions passed down for generations. Some of these practices are beautiful expressions of solidarity and communal care. Others, however, need to be examined carefully and honestly. Not every tradition is inherently and universally wise, helpful, or biblical simply because it is old or commonly practiced. In this third installment of the blog series, I would like to reflect on some funeral practices in our country.
As believers, we must think critically about some funeral practices because many have become unhelpful, financially unsustainable, stripped of their original meaning, or rooted in animistic and superstitious beliefs. Christians are called to mourn differently, not only in perspective but also in practice.
Expecting the grieving family to feed multitudes
One practice that warrants serious reflection is the expectation that the bereaved feed multitudes at funerals. There was a time when communities gathered around the bereaved family to offer genuine support and encouragement. People came prepared to contribute food, labor, and resources. The grieving family was not expected to carry the burden alone. That communal support was commendable and deeply compassionate.
Today, however, things have changed significantly. In many places, funerals attract enormous crowds, including people with little or no relationship to the deceased. Some individuals strategically move from funeral to funeral for meals. In many townships and compounds, some young people seem remarkably informed about where food is being served. The result is that grieving families are pressured into spending huge amounts of money feeding hundreds of people for several days. It is not uncommon to hear people complain about the quality of food and ask for special meals.
This has become an unnecessary burden on already hurting and usually financially struggling families. In some cases, people go into debt simply trying to meet cultural expectations. Surely, we must ask ourselves whether this practice still reflects compassion and support, or has become an unsustainable social performance. Supporting the bereaved should involve easing burdens, not increasing them.
Multitudes Sleeping at Funerals
Another practice worth reconsidering is the expectation that multitudes of people should sleep at the funeral house for several nights. Certainly, there is value in close family and friends being present to help with practical matters and comfort the grieving family. Genuine support matters greatly in moments of loss.
But let us be honest: many people sleep in funeral houses simply because of perceptions. Some come despite needing to report for work early the next morning. Others come while sick, exhausted, or physically unwell, only to leave in worse condition. At the same time, many homes and yards are not designed to accommodate 50 to 100 people sleeping there for several nights. People sleep in overcrowded conditions with little sanitation, little rest, and minimal comfort.
At some point, we must ask whether appearances have overtaken wisdom. Presence and support do not always require sleeping at the funeral home. People can mourn sincerely, help meaningfully, and still return home to rest and care for their health and responsibilities. Do the grieving really want hundreds of people around them the entire time? Or would they prefer some time and space with just their close family and friends?
The Treatment of Widows
The treatment of widows during funerals also deserves scrutiny. In some settings, the widow’s grieving process is heavily monitored and controlled. People observe whether she is crying “enough,” as though grief must be performed publicly to satisfy cultural expectations. Some widows are forced to sleep on the floor or on a mattress in the corner. Others are told not to bathe for several days. And then you have the careless statements that people will often pass along, the interrogative questions after the burial.
We need to ask ourselves difficult questions. Why should a grieving person be denied basic physical comfort and dignity? Why must suffering be intensified to prove sorrow? Grief is already painful enough. Widows should be treated with compassion, gentleness, and care, not suspicion and unnecessary hardship. Mourning should never become a form of punishment or a time to settle scores.
Seeking financial and material gain from funerals
Another troubling reality is how some relatives attempt to gain materially or financially from the death of a loved one. In many situations, the surviving spouse and children are treated almost as outsiders, while extended family members begin to claim property, possessions, or financial benefits. Some even make statements such as “This was our relative” to justify sidelining the immediate family.
This is deeply painful and unjust. The death of a loved one should move families toward compassion and protection of the vulnerable, not opportunism and greed. The priority should be helping the surviving spouse and children navigate grief and rebuild stability. Any culture or practice that disregards the welfare of widows and children must be challenged firmly.
Inspecting the body for Grooming
We also have some practices that are simply absurd and intrusive. One example is inspecting a married person’s body to determine whether they were properly groomed or cared for by their spouse. In years gone by, in the village set-ups, when hospitals, morgues, postmortems and funeral parlours were not available, families needed to inspect the body, especially if foul play was suspected. But, I’m we can all agree that inspecting corpses to check how well groomed the late was is invasive, unnecessary, and entirely unhelpful. Funerals should not become opportunities for gossip, humiliation, or public judgment.
Animistic and Spiritism Undertones
Finally, believers must think carefully about practices tied to spiritism, superstition, and animistic beliefs. In some communities, there are strict instructions about which direction the head of the deceased should face, demands that the body must pass through a church building, rituals involving chickens killed on burial day, or the insistence that a fire must never go out throughout the funeral period.
Many of these practices are connected to ideas of spirit appeasement, protection from evil spirits, or mystical fears surrounding death. Christians must evaluate such practices biblically rather than simply perpetuating them because they are traditional. Our hope is not in rituals, charms, fires, or superstitions. Our confidence is in Christ, who conquered death through His resurrection.
Believers must mourn differently. We grieve with hope. We support families with wisdom and compassion. We reject practices that burden, humiliate, exploit, or promote superstition. Not every tradition deserves preservation. Some traditions need reform, and others are in direct opposition to the Christian faith.
Funerals should comfort the grieving, honour the dead appropriately, and point people toward the hope found in Christ—not perpetuate burdensome, harmful, or spiritually questionable practices.